The 'Apeman' of Tunbridge Wells

The picturesque and quaint Royal Tunbridge Wells Pantiles - circa... 2007

 My local town, Royal Tunbridge Wells, dear boy, has long been synonymous with genteel and quintessential Englishness. However, it appears it may have a new and rather unusual new resident, according to the Sun.

Eyewitnesses reported "a hairy beast with demonic eyes" stalking the common and surrounding woodlands, before "roaring" and frightening members of the public.

The Tunbridge Wells People forum, usually preoccupied with urgent discussions on gardening and 'the traffic crisis,' featured a surprising post: "One of the strangest stories to emerge about Tunbridge Wells this week is the claims that a British Bigfoot has been spotted in woodland near the town.

  "The Kentish Apeman has recently been spotted on Tunbridge Wells - the exactly spot where it was also apparently seen 70 years ago."

The post adds, helpfully: "The beast is reportedly eight-foot tall, has red demonic eyes and is covered in hair.

  "Have YOU seen the Kentish Apeman in Tunbridge Wells? And, more importantly, do you have a picture? Let us know!"

“One of the strangest stories to emerge about Tunbridge Wells this week is the claims that a British Bigfoot has been spotted in woodland near the town.

Read more: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/4656967/apeman-in-tunbridge-wells.html#ixzz2D3gZqJSm

“One of the strangest stories to emerge about Tunbridge Wells this week is the claims that a British Bigfoot has been spotted in woodland near the town.

Genteel ... stockbroker belt town Tunbridge Wells in Kent

“The Kentish Apeman has recently been spotted on Tunbridge Wells Common - the exact spot where it was also apparently seen 70 years ago.
“The beast is reportedly eight-foot tall, has red demonic eyes and is covered in hair.”
It then calls on locals to help, adding: “Have YOU seen the Kentish Apeman in Tunbridge Wells? And, more importantly, do you have a picture? Let us know!”


Read more: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/4656967/apeman-in-tunbridge-wells.html#ixzz2D3gRJ6ya

“One of the strangest stories to emerge about Tunbridge Wells this week is the claims that a British Bigfoot has been spotted in woodland near the town.

Genteel ... stockbroker belt town Tunbridge Wells in Kent

“The Kentish Apeman has recently been spotted on Tunbridge Wells Common - the exact spot where it was also apparently seen 70 years ago.
“The beast is reportedly eight-foot tall, has red demonic eyes and is covered in hair.”
It then calls on locals to help, adding: “Have YOU seen the Kentish Apeman in Tunbridge Wells? And, more importantly, do you have a picture? Let us know!”


Read more: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/4656967/apeman-in-tunbridge-wells.html#ixzz2D3gRJ6ya

Dismiss me as a cynical sceptic, but I somehow have my doubts as to the existence of an undiscovered 8ft tall higher primate with "demonic eyes" frequenting the elegant parks and woodland of Tunbridge Wells.

At any rate, 'the disgusted of Tunbridge Wells' would have made a quick end of such a creature years ago.